happiness is ?

so after a long ass day (woke up at 7 for work until 12 and then hang with mom till 2030), i pondered on the topic on what exactly is happiness? so, a little context here, i am a game master for a laser tag company and we held out 1.5 hrs game at a children’s home. for today, only the boys would be playing. while setting up the venue and the equipments, the boys can be seen to be extremely excited and they were giving us (my boss and i) on where to put our obstacles, how many to put and what guns they wanna use. i can witness the eagerness of each boy wanting to come and play already. well, it was a good 1,5 hrs and the boys had lots of fun.

and so, i started to ponder and eventually was thinking even more deeply while spending time with my mom shopping. what is the purpose of life? what is happiness? why are we doing what we’re doing? does it make sense to work hard to get what we want? and what does what we want even do for us? make us happy? why do we give so much power to possession, owning a car, house or have loads of money? or are we quite literally “built” different? and why do i say that, well, remember the boys in the boys home, they are really simple, they told me they are happy, contented with what they have and is very much positive about life. well, the argument here can be, that they may not be truthful or they just met me yada yada yada. but the point im getting across is, why are most individuals unsatisfied with what they have? (well, im taking statistics from angry human beings in the internet, hence, the biases, but you get the idea).

truthfully, i don’t think i am happy. i don’t know what i wanna do in the future to be very frank. i know im majoring in electrical & electronic engineering but, honestly, i don’t really know what an engineer does at this very point in time (or should i say know little about, please, if you’re my future employer, skip this, if ive went for your interview, i probably would’ve known what im signing up for). i don’t know what im working “so hard”. like why do i have to own a house, why do i have to work for a car? (well, i am getting pretty interested into cars these days tho) there’s just so many why and and and, will having all those make me happy(?) so what am i working hard for? what’s the meaning of existence when death is inevitable? ok, i do not have any existential crisis, just pondering, if you’re reading this, you should too. why do you work hard? why do you get out of your way to do things that are uncomfortable but still pull through it? why? maybe you can share some stories with me. and well maybe, hopefully i get to my answer real soon.

however, with all that negativity aside, i do enjoy living, i do enjoy meeting and talking to new people, i think its just me drawing energy from others but seeing others being happy, kind of rubs some of those happiness on me. and when im alone, its a very different ball game. should i also mention that writing these articles are a way of me talking to myself and kind of “reflecting”? well, there you have it an episode of happiness which, honestly, drew no conclusion. only oneself can know it for themselves.